Apple Products = Crime Magnet

Little Girl: "Mommy, why did that man just kick in that other man's face?"

Mother: "Because, sweetheart, that man now laying on the ground was too busy listening to his iPod to notice the scary man approaching him with a knife in hand."

Little Girl: "But I don't understand. I thought iPods were fun and helped you forget about the world around you."

Mother: "That's true sweetie, but they're also born of Satan, and therefore attract violent crimes like flames attract moths"

Little Girl: "Oh, I see. Is that why you bought us the Zunes, Mommy?"

Mother: "Yes, pumpkin, it is. Zunes are ugly and unattractive, and people are more likely to laugh at you if you have one than rob you."

This, my dear readers, is of course a dramatization, but researchers at the Urban Institute have published a report (PDF) indicating that the rise in popularity of the iPod is directly correlated to the first rise in Violent Crimes in the US in over a decade. The researchers make the point that the three common motivators for violent crimes are present with iPod owners, making them easy and ideal targets:

1. The item is wanted and expensive
2. The owners are often oblivious to their surroundings because they're listening to music
3. Robbers know they can get away with it because there's no theft deterrent inherent in the iPod

It almost makes sense, but it seems odd to me blame one product on the rise in violent crimes. The economy has been getting worse over the past few years, we've been bogged down in a war, and in general our government has stopped taking care of lower income citizens... just a few reasons crime might have spiked. I will say, however, that iPod owners do make themselves all too easy targets. I see way too many people on trains and busses that have their iPods up load, meaning they wouldn't even notice a herd of elephants behind them, and they all invariably use the out-of-the box earphones that are a dead give-away. When I moved to Chicago, a friend of mine gave me a pamphlet on surviving in the big city created by the University of Chicago for its incoming freshmen, and one of its biggest warnings was about wearing iPods in public, and I suppose I can't disagree. They are expensive and popular, similar to the old days of the Air Jordans, so there is a payoff to the crime, in a perverse way.

So, I just wanted to point out to everyone that, in fact, Apple is the source of all crime here in America... well, ok, at least according to one think-tank's theories.

Did iPods Cause a Crime Wave? [Washington Post]
[via: The Raw Feed]