Hello, Kitty?

"...and lo it was written that the four-hundred-and-second sign of the apocalypse shall be the cancer-causing kitten attached to thy daughter boyfriend's face. And it shall be first in the land of the Spotted Dick, and woe unto them who resist not its charms."

That's a direct quote from the Tinynomicron, and I think the message is pretty clear: the UK shudders under the looming shadow of Hello Kitty mobile phones, which will launch there in July.

Naturally, mobile phones targeted at little girls and gay men are just a touch controversial, what with multiple official sources saying that youngsters, particularly 9-14 year-olds, should stick to short calls and only when necessary. Why? Tumors, of course.

Also (and I don't think anyone will disagree with me when I say that this might be an underrepresented demographic), there's a hidden group of at-risk gay men whose penchant for the Kitty outdoes their sense of self-protection. What will Britain do about the impending outbreak of kitten-shaped head and neck tumors within its historic gay population? Won't someone think of the homos?

The Hello Kitty phone is coming . . . your daughter will want one [TimesOnline]
[Thanks, Stuart!]