Meme Alert: Let's See How Fast We Can Die!

Timex Corporation must have lost their minds, or else had a sudden influx of suicidal engineers pounding away at the bench, looking for a way to invent the most morbid device they could nightmare-up.

Because here comes The Life Index Watch. What, pray tell, does the Life Index Watch do? Takes an index. Of your life. And tells you how long you have until you die.

Using biometric data seeping through the flesh, The Life Index Watch, worn like a nicotine patch (and apparently shower-safe—is she in the shower? why is she naked?), processes information about key health factors, such as exercise, diet, how many Budweisers you can chug in 30 minutes, how many packs of Marlboros you can blast through on a Friday afternoon, etc. You know. The usual stuff.

Timex calls the product an "incentive to lose weight and exercise," but I, for one, regard the situation differently. I think it's a challenge to see how fast I can die.

No matter how many times and how fast I clicked on the image—and on anything else clickable—I couldn't find any purchasing information. But as soon as I get one of these suckers, I'm going to sequester myself in the grottoes of Boston, huddled up with smelly junkies, and smoke and drink myself to death, all to watch the bright little numbers dwindle. Doesn't that sound like fun? Doesn't that sound like the kind of fun Timex wants us to have?